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| This is for Love.
For all the life-torn-down moment's God has in store of everyone of us, there is love. Our Lord's most beautiful master pieces come from our darkest hours.
For all the moments you are hurt...
For all the times you have been let down...
For all the moments you are left alone...
For all the times you are thrown to the floor...
For all the moments you think have failed...
For all the times you are left to fend for yourself...
THERE IS LOVE. A great love that awaits His children. Awaits the very moment those walls come crumbling down, there is a Great Man who is there to save you. Someone to show you the light, to show you love, to show you your accomplishments. But it is our responsibility to remember there is A Love out there, meant for our very tender and broken hearts. A healing kind of love, the unconditional kind. There is a one Constant in this world, and it will always and forever be The Lord, Our God. We are called to live a life of love, FOR love. We are called to break through our walls and fall into His arms. We are meant to love one another and take care of those that are neglected.
...Be like Jesus Christ, and love those who go against you. | | |
| LONG TIME OVER DUE!
if your reading this, thank you for your time. i wanted to say thank you to all of you. i don't know why i didn't want to type this all into a note, but i'm just doing it on xanga. so i tagged you special people on a fb note. i think this way i can look back on it too. hah. and just wanna warn you, this might get long. and not to mention it's pretty late and i had class early this morning so i've been up all day. hehe :)
so for my birthday, i wanted to write everyone a personalized letter, and thank all of you personally. i was gunna try to get all of your mailing addresses to send them, so its a cooler effect. haha, i know i'm gay. anyway. this year, i wanted to thank people that have made a difference in my life. i wanted to let the people who have a special place in my heart to know how great and important you all are to me. i say to you now, no matter what's happened, how we've felt, any drama, how much we might have grown apart, or even if we talk at all; you are someone special to me.
sisters and brothers alike, you have all made a difference in my life. at one point, and maybe still, i've experienced God from our friendship, your love, your personality, your being. i've grown to be who i am because of you, no matter how little or how big your favor was for me. you are one stepping stone in my life that helped me get closer to God. and i love you for that.
SISTERS (you obviously don't have to read this part brothers): first off, God is amazing. Praise Him for how great and generous He is to give us each other to have in this life. all you girls are my inspiration. my fuel for this "drive". especially you younger girls. your life and fire inspires me to love God with no boundaries. with no fears. which i continue to strive for now. you are what keeps me going, because if i didn't know that anyone was watching me, i'm sure i wouldn't be who i am today. i fight for your girls. i fight for this sisterhood, for this friendship, for this love. this love that we share with one another as Mama Mary shares with us as well. i fight to win, so that you wouldn't have to go through that. i don't ever want to be someone that didn't do enough for you. please, any service you need of me (as long as it's not baad..haha) please don't hesitate to ask. i love you girls with all my heart no matter what's happened in the past. the past is the past, so lets leave it there. i want you to know i'm always here for you, with open arms ALWAYS. i want to put your life before mine. also, don't hesitate to correct me when i'm wrong. i will warn you, sometimes i'm not the best at corrections, but if i need it. i WILL need it, and i WILL eventually use it. please, i want to be a better sister to you girls so much. please tell me even when i seem unapproachable! haha, i seem to get that, or "intimidating", a lot. i want a closer relationship with each and everyone of you. i want to continue (no matter who you are) experiencing Mama Mary and God in you, in our friendship. i promise you all, i'm here with no judgement. i love you so much, promise! and thank you for all the times you've seen me cry. for crying with me when i felt pain and being my bridge to help me get through it. for all the times you said exactly what i needed to hear without even knowing. for inspiring me to bet better. for keeping me close to God. for giving me a huge reason to live the life i'm living right now, one with God. thank you for everything.
BROTHERS (sisters don't need to read also): but of course the impact of a brother is different from a sister's. i just want to saaay, thank you first off to God for blessing me with a brother like you. apparently God thought you would play a great role in His plan for me, hah so thank You Lord. but really, praise God for you brothers. u guys aren't just guy friends that are there for me, but also over protective, annoying, often jerk-y (some for the last 3), loving, and inspiring men in my life. whether or not we have been friends for years or days, you have all made an impact in my life. you've helped me grow into the person i am today (yes cliche, but true). you are also one more stepping stone that has lead me closer to God once again. it might have been your over protectiveness, your lectures, your subject of conversation, you prayer time, your joy, or maybe just you that has inspired me to be a better person for tomorrow. i know that not all of us have seen eye to eye, and i know that we've been through a lot (some of you guys), but thats what i cherish about our friendship. i love you because i've seen God in you. i thank you for being a man of God by protecting my heart and keeping me accountable when the VERY TIME comes that i need you the most. i thank the Lord for giving you the words to help me realize what i am doing wrong or what i might need to do. also for just the roles you play in my life. whether it maybe the smallest job on the face of the earth, you mean a lot to me. i still care for you whether or not we haven't spoken in years, months, or weeks. God has blessed me with a great batch of men for me to call my brothers. thank you again!
i just also wanted to say, that i am sorry from the bottom of my heart for any pain i may have caused you. i don't mind if you would want to confront me or tell me through email or just text me or call me. i really want to say sorry. i want to learn from my mistakes. i don't want to ever cause u pain or anything of the kind. i AM reeeeally sorry. i never meant to disappoint, or hurt any of you...
but, i guess this year i grew enough to realize how i shouldn't take any time for granted and tell people i love them and thank them for everything they've done for me. i'm sorry that i didn't make those letters and that i held from the more personal side to this. i kind of thought about making those letters the week before my birthday and i was not going to have enough time to write heart felt letters to all of you in time, and not to mention get all your addresses. hehe. if your still reading though...THANK YOU! i really hope you come to know how much u mean to me after reading this! i love you. and i love God because of you. thank you for it all. and if its not too much to ask, i would still want to write a personalized thank you (EVERNTUALLY). i was wondering if you would leave your address so that i can one day send you it. haha. if you can, just leave a comment on the note i sent on facebook, or maybe msg me, or email of course. my email's marichel.aquino@yahoo.com. thank you so much.
and again, i wanted to say thank you and i love you (i don't spell that completely out that often, so it means a lot).
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| So the New Year draws near. Here we are pondering the past, what has taken place a few days ago, a few weeks ago, a few months ago. I'm not sure where to start this blog honestly. Let's just have a recap of what has happened this, 2008...
I started off the year with three, not four, but three dogs. I’ve had an unbelievably sad 18th birthday, but a great surprise party almost a month later. I’ve grown apart from many of my friends, lost a few to the world, but gained a few in good faith. I’ve had to learn how to deal with disappointment and being the disappointment. I’ve had my heart broken, once again (not so sure how or if it ever was really broken? maybe just misplaced). I’ve made amends with people, which still feels like it never happened. I didn't have a prom, even got stood up (ha). I’ve visited Seattle, WA and had a GREAT vacation as well as conference. I had the best Christmas yet! I’ve graduated high school and entered college taking culinary as my major. I’ve actually pulled an all-nighter to study for an exam. I’ve stayed up talking to people late at night. I’ve opened and shut my heart many times. I’ve loved and am being loved by my One and Only, but I still fail Him...
To start off, I honestly am disappointed in myself. I have come to realize that my faith and my practices have changed over the years. I guess I’m really not doing much wrong but I know internally that there IS something wrong. My prayer time isn't as constant. I forget to pray in my times of difficulty, but just let the anger or sadness roll. I entertain the bad feelings that I know won't benefit me. I find myself questioning my being as a sister, if I’m being a good sister to other sisters and as well as brothers as far as protecting their hearts. I have found myself in a position where I am miles away from who I was last year. My faith and love in God has kind of dropped from where it once was...
I can say that I haven't really done anything wrong physically, but it is all spiritually. All the "right decisions" are the ones I think I make, as far as staying pure in body, heart, and soul. it is kind of an automatic thing for me I guess to turn down alcohol or being close enough to a guy to have impure relations with them. And I have had my ups, of course. This lent season was...thee MOST spiritual battle I saw myself in. I wished my 18th year to be one that I experienced a good amount of firsts in, and that was DEFINITELY a first. I have had to live this year not as close to the Lord as before, some what like I was not being babied. I’ve had to go through almost the entire year not being able to feel ANYTHING when I pray. I’ve had to rely completely and primarily on my faith and try my best not to let the world change me. And in a way I can say I am conquering some of these now, but I want more. I want to be even more in love with God. Enough to not want anything else. Enough to be put into the desert and not complain about my whereabouts. Enough to love Him even through the HAAARDEST times in life, in the loneliest times of life. Enough to just be His, and completely His.
I know that this New Year holds hope for all of us as Christmas held a beautiful moment. The story with my family is that we haven't gone to church together since I was maybe 9. My mom, brother, and I used to go to mass together but haven't this whole past year. My brother just stopped going all together and my mom goes once in a while. My dad goes to a different church, as I go to church near here. This Christmas at simbang gabi, all four of us attended mass. We sat in the pews of the church together as a family. And though it wasn't perfect and my brother would be on his phone here and there and my dad was making fun of the baby a few pews away, it was beautiful. It was my hope and joy for this coming year. And I can honestly say that made my Christmas this year, the best Christmas yet! That was the best gift I could ever receive right now and I thank only the Lord for that. That was truly a gift from God.
Being at church together made me realize that it is true, that time is all we need. Me supposedly being the unity in the family gave me the only hope. The only belief. The only faith in my Lord that I can keep doing this as long as I live. That despite my year being far from what I hoped it would be, the Lord is still leading me and many others. That God is still VERY much present with us now and knows what we need in our lives and what we don't need. And at this time I know I don't need a boyfriend, I know I don't need a new car, I don't need more money, and I don't need to keep putting myself down for not being able to feel God's presence as I once did last year.
God is telling me that I am strong enough to be in this position, strong enough to keep my faith closer than my desires. He is telling me that I am strong enough to pray even though I may not get what I want from it. He is telling me that I am growing from this fall and that I WILL be stronger and more in love than I ever have been, with Him. He is telling me that I am being lead, and that I am being loved completely for who I am and no matter what I do. And for all of this, I will NEVER trade for what the world thinks to be life...for what the world thinks to be "okay" or "fun". I will be who my Lord has made me to be...
With that said, happy new years all and I hope that you all have a great start. I pray that you find your inspiring moment as well in your lives to be able to determine who you are as I have on Christmas Eve. No matter who you are, God will have you...Promise.
"See to it, then, devout soul, that you imprint these things on your heart. Be meek and courageous when the moment of temptation comes. Do not be troubled and do not despair if you are deprived of something you greatly love or if you are denied something you think necessary for you. The friends of Jesus are often tried by serious afflictions."
- The Imitation of Mary by Thomas A. Kempis | | |
| Life is a long journey... We are all called at one point, by God Himself. It is up to us to allow ourselves to hear Him, and to answer Him. He chooses those who are weak. He chooses those who has made many mistakes. He calls those who abuse themselves. He calls those who don't believe. He does this because He loves us that much. As much as we hurt Him, He still allowed us to be saved through the life and death of His Only Son. It is in our humanness that is what God calls us. To drive up from what we are at the moment, and to stretch out to be more. To be closer to Him. After all the times we've turned our backs on Him, He has never left us. He still opens His kingdom up for us, the sinners, the unworthy. I personally am so greatful for this. I was found at my worst state. I was saved at the very same time I fell. He truely works in mysterious ways, as He chooses the week to lead the strong. I believe He uses the broken because we already know how it is. And because we still live our brokeness, is why we are stong. We are the fighters, the army of the Lord. And i believe that with my whole heart... Learn to be humbled by this fact, and to not judge the fallen...
I am trying to learn... | | |
| ...'Thus says the Lord, the God of your father David, "I have heard your prayer, I have seen your tears; behold, I will heal you..."
2Kings 20: 5
I believe in MY heart, I would sacrifice anything AND everything for my sisterhood. As long as I know that it's sense full, and that it's of God...
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